its hard to pretend you’re okay but deep inside you’re hurting like hell.. i dont know whats worse.. but this could not get any worst for sure.. maybe im just too high and overwhelmed with what im feeling.. but im trying to pull myself together.. but its so hard.. its so freakin hard 😢
oh no!!! here comes the love virus again.. LOL you know the feeling of liking something, geez, okay, someone.. and you don’t know if that person likes you back? gawsh. its so hard to guess and read someones else’s mind.! yep, that dude really helped me forget the problems i were encountering, its like, he were exactly present at that moment when i was so alone.. my best friend was out of town.. and yes, i was real damn depressed. too much to that..
“i want you back tony” at the end of it all, he did’nt want me back.. i dont know what he wants from me, but for me, what he did was unfair.. and yes, life is not fair.. so what. it just made me the looser of the day. but not now.. i felt letting go., was the best thing i did.. and holding on, was the worst deciosn i made. it all became clear that it was pointless and his intentions, may be, were nothing more than the future.. i dont want to play.. my heart cannot handle that.. i tried to ride with what he wanted, but at the finality of it, i realized, i wasn’t happy like that.. so i found the courage to let go. because i felt, he was not the same person i fell in love with anymore. that person is gone.. and its nice i still have the good memories to keep.i now refuse any comunication , until i can mange to see him again, without slapping his face or whatever.. LOL im not mad at him, were friends.. friends that are not on spekaing terms. why not. all i know now is, im happy i get to survive it all.. all thanks to my mr. mate.. who, in the moment, is still a question mark if what he showed me was plain kindness.. or whatever.. im just thankful he was there.. :)
the worst thing that can happen, is falling again,without anyone to catch you. geez tony.. you never learn :)
save me! what was supposed to be a one week “extra” duty turned out to eat my whole semestral break for two weeks! not only that., i have to wake up 3am in the morning to prepare and travel for two hours, ride the mrt, then the lrt.. my gaaawwwddd…. im sooooooooooo stressed. -_- good thing i have my de-stressor.. EDWARD :)
i learned the virtue of forgiving.. is not something that is imposed. it just happens.. and when that time came for me., its more of a favor done for myself.. its really hard to sustain anger to other people., specially people you really cared for in the past. at the end of the day., its the person who does not forgive that ends still in pain. guys., if you have any enemies or any hurts to someone,. learn to forgive them, Kung ang Diyos nga kayang magpatawad.. ikaw pa.. :)))
just finished our seminar at medical city.. im at my friends house, playing poker.. and waiting fro pancit canton.. im hungry., again. can i just share. XD this appetite is really growing, my goodness. but i guess., my metabolism just knows how to deal with it perfectly. i hope i gain even just 2 more pounds., please!!!!!! its a little depressing when you look in front of the mirror and seeing the slimmer version of what you used to., i hate it. i need to gain!!! please., feed me. haha XD
im now at the peak of my boredom. i need something., refreshing to do!!!
signing off!! :)
i have this strange feeling that i really want to ignore lately.but i find it hard to do it.. :/ i can’t distinguish this if it is something good or something bad.. it really bugs me actually.
anyway, at the moment., everything is so booooooring. so many things happening around me yes., but for myself.,nothing really new. people really are clueless of what they want in their life. for me, im not really sure. i just want to be happy, that’s all.actually, im not even sad at the moment.. i have no reason to.. i just feel im missing out on something i don’t know. like something is soon to happen.. im not sure with my instincts either…oftentimes, this fails me you know. errrrrrr… i hate this,. ://////
dull. yes. super dull….. its annoying meeeeee!!!!!
ps: i think i need a new adventure.
LSS , tugsh…..:)))
funny thing that happened to me this afternoon was when my shoe said hi. well, it didn’t talk.. but it was smiling widely to everyone :) good thing my friend found a way to glue it back together.. thank yo!!!!or else i’d be walking like the characters in the plants vs. zombies game. haha anyway., acquaintance party is atmosphere in the school,. my ever so busy batchmate is really busy making the preparations and all..omg. even practice later.. humaygaawwwdddd. dance dance again for tony.haha time really flies that fast. it has been one year. just one and yet so many things happened in that span of time..o well, nothing is constant anyway.. right? everything is transitory., that’s what ive learned. things really change… not just things but also people. im glad im typing today here in this entry a little reflection of what i had been and what i am now. to tell the truth., it wasn’t the people i hate now., but the circumstances these people put me in. how can i blame them for my bad fortune when in fact this is my life..?maybe, it was really meant to happen that way, so i learn., and never make the same mistakes again. actually, mistake is a very strong word..hmm.. there are no mistakes. no regrets.. just learnings… foegiveness will follow someday. not today. but it will… whatever.haha im not thinking of it now. im just happy that im okay now. and i know im better..not broken.but improved. hell the ride was bumpy but it would honestly be boring if it werent. after all.,i would have not appreciate myslef if it weren’t for their unappreciation :)